When life gives you lemons...
Hello my sweet friends,
I hope this finds you in a joyful and trusting place!
I haven't written in a month. A MONTH! And I didn't because frankly, I didn't feel like it. As you all know, I left my corporate job to teach Yoga. It took me years to finally grow the balls to do what felt right in my heart and the Universe was a big 'fuck yes' when I finally did.
I have learnt the most in the last 4 weeks than I have in a year.
I went to Bali and delved into some deep self study. I removed myself from everything and really asked the question, "who do I want to be as a Teacher"? More importantly, "how do I want to spend my time on this planet?"
This question started a confronting and emotional journey that I feel only now am I coming out the other side.
I felt like looking inwards. And I mean really looking. And that also means not particularly liking what you discover.
Being quiet, watching, learning and studying. I didn't feel like leading, guiding and teaching at all. And that's okay as a Teacher - we all have those periods of time where we step back and need to evolve ourselves, so we can head back out with new lessons, inspiration and truths.
I felt guilty. I kept beating myself up because I wanted to release the Ebook, and record videos and write so much content. I felt like I was neglecting this community. But my soul was calling out for growth. And growth happens when we are listening, restoring and allowing.
I did not expect this at all. I was totally shocked. But I trusted in my heart and the Universe, knowing that whatever I am experiencing is teaching me something about myself and human nature. Something valuable that will make me a better teacher.
I discovered that some (more than I thought) of my intentions were from the Ego.
I discovered that the Ego identified with my corporate job, money and status.
I discovered that once this was no longer a part of my life, the Ego was like 'WTF??!!!"
I discovered that once the Ego loses what it identifies with, it looks elsewhere. And fast.
I discovered that without staying diligent in my practice (daily yoga and meditation), the Ego takes over. And fast.
Once the Ego is dominant, fear, jealousy, envy, anxiety and insecurity are guiding my thoughts and emotions.
This place is unconscious and low vibrational. I felt insignificant and looked for quick validation through social media, material things and emotions. I felt sad. I felt disconnected.
Sure enough, my greatest teacher of all, Anxiety, arrives and it tells me something is wrong.
Anxiety woke me up. Every time it comes, it is a sign that I am not living from the heart. That I am not living my truth.
And it was this moment that I realised that I myself, had fallen out of Yoga.
How could I teach Yoga when I wasn't even in Yoga myself?
And once we realise we have fallen, we can only hop back on.
Forever changed, with a new perspective, better than before.
If I can offer you anything from this experience, is that you always find your way home. You always come back to the Heart, the Self. This is the truth. And no matter how shit you feel, it is all a cosmic joke. It is all a lesson; everything. And to learn these lessons, sometimes we have to be still.
And if that means removing yourself, saying no to social events, not looking through Instagram or Facebook, not posting on your blog or whatever, that's ok. Because you did not choose this life in this body on this planet to post an Insta story. Your soul chose this life to learn, grow, evolve, love and enjoy what this heavenly earth has to offer.
And we're all in this together.
Namaste (I mean it).